My husband has flown off to America today for a business trip. He'll be away for 10 days :( I feel awful for moaning about it... when I posted it on Facebook this morning, my friend reminded me that her husband has been in Afghanistan for 5 months. And some husbands never come home. I know I am so lucky...
Ryan and I have been a couple since we were 16... we are now 28. That makes me feel old!! So we've kinda grown up together. We've been through all sorts; college, uni, moving out of home, parents moving away or abroad, death, money troubles, marriage and so on a so forth... and we've always been there for each other... and I've realised recently that I really depend on him. Like, really! I have pretty low self esteem so I don't trust my own judgement a lot and I rely on him to affirm any decisions I've made, or anything I've written, or anything I've crafted, just to make sure it is OK and I'm not being stupid. And I also struggle with my own company. I'm not very good at being on my own. So the next 2 weekends are going to be a task! This is one of my favourite photos of him...
My best friend brought me a book called 'this i know: notes on unravelling the heart' by Susannah Conway for Christmas 2012. I hesitated to read it at first as she told me I would cry... and when I cry, I CRY! So it sat beside my bed for a few months until one day I succumbed to it's stares and opened it up. I was hooked from the word go. Susannah reveals all about her journey through grief after the sudden passing of her beloved partner, something that I can't even begin to comprehend. But not only does she reveal all about her grief, with every word, she seemed to heal my wounds too. It was like she was talking to me directly, like she knew how I was feeling about my life and had decided that if she told me her story, that it would help me too. I'm not grieving for a lost one, but still everything she talked about I could relate to in some way. And it helped me. She talked about being in your own company a lot in the book. It helped me to realise why I don't like spending time on my own which in turn will help me to learn to enjoy my own company some day... I'm already better at it but this weekend will be the real test.
I'm now enrolled on one of Susannah's E-Courses, Unravelling: Ways of Seeing Myself. If you read the book and love it, then you will love the course! In fact they all look great so I hope to do another one after this. It's an eight week course and only a week and a half in I am already feeling so much more positive and confident. And it's given me the courage to start this blog - and I didn't even get hubs to check it before I've posted it :)
Love x
Bless your heart :) and i remember what it's like to find it hard to be on your own -- until my partner died i'd never really been on my own. I liked my own company, but i didn't get to experience it much. Now i am on my own most of the time (single and self employed - what a combo!). so here's what i suggest.... think of the weekends on your own as a GIFT. you can do whatever you want! buy yourself some yummy food, veg out on the sofa all day... or go do some window shopping. or go to the park. or have a coffee with a friend, then go home and have a long bath and watch a bit of TV.... you could take lots of photos for Unravelling then upload them to the group, chat to people and spend hours on Pinterest (that's what i do ;)... just do a few of the things you love and think of this bit of time by yourself as a *treat*
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Thanks Susannah! I intend to do exactly that! Actually, the more I think about it, the more I am looking forward to it... And I love a bit of pinterest at the weekend :)
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